My Quiescence Ends!

Greetings to my legion of dedicated fans. Belatedly I return to this, my humble blog. The fire has not dimmed and the fight against the Evil Empire continues…

The renovations at Dodgy Brothers Tree-Stumps, still continues unabated! More than four years have now passed since the anagramatically and aptly named “a maudlin clunk” - Ross Dodgy stood on the verandah to announce the commencement of the forty weeks of renovations. For fifteen hundred days we have listened to Corporate Services barrage of messages, “Soon the refurbishment’s will be finished”, “We are providing for the resident’s future and a secure future for Dodgy Brothers” blah, blah, blah.

We have watched in awe as our Lifestyle Manager Inohim Dodgy a, true Vaishnavite and her predecessor Aden, prey on frail residents and their emotional families, dragging them on tours and then showing these hapless saps the fanciful plans for a renovated and refurbished Treestumps. “Honestly, the building’s almost finished, so let Treestumps and Dodgy Brothers care for you and your loved ones. Let them end their days here in peace and serenity”. And they believed her! I reckon Inohim could sell ice to the Eskimoes or at least to Fijian Indians.

Thus for four agonizingly long years the staff and a stream of frail and elderly residents have sweltered, been smothered in dust, deafened by concrete cutters, vibrated by jackhammers and choked by paint fumes and other noxious and nauseous chemicals. Upbeatedly Corporate Services who swan around in the lap of luxury at the Taj Mahal, inform us it will all be over soon. honestly!!! And then we can have a party!!! I wonder how Corporate Services will invite those residents who decided to check out early from God’s waiting room Treestumps? Ghosts are most welcome to attend the party as long as they bring a plate.

Now for a change in subject - an answer to the commonly asked question “Why has it taken me so long to update my wondrous blog? And the answer is that since my third missive - “Managing People Properly” or “Grow Your Own Mushrooms”, rated by The search engine giigle.com as one of the greatest blog epistles uploaded in this millennia, I have been helping Mark Latham write his latest bio-novel, occupied with setting up the Bundaberg Hospital Commission of Enquiry, answering bags of electronic spam mail, mainly pr0n, and responding in person to the myriad of fans who have so far made posts to my blog (three in all).

Therefore whilst you while away your meaningful existence, hungering for my epic sixth and next post, tentatively titled “Lobotomy or Bottle-in-Front-of-me?” and waiting for a placement in a Dodgy Brothers Aged Care facility, may I urge you to purchase several copies of the best novel ever written - John Birmingham’s first volume of his Axis of Time Trilogy in Five Parts – “Weapons of Choice!”

Rabbi Birmingham is one of my heroes. He publishes a Kabbalahistic Blog ‘Cheeseburger Gothic’ found at: http://birmo.journalspace.com/ well worth a visit. A former flatmate – Ellen D, gifted me a copy of Rabbi Birmingham’s seminal work “How to be a man” I have carried this manuscript, which is almost as richly illustrated as the ‘Book of Kells’, with me through every move I have had made since. It is verily a palimpsest for today’s emasculated society!

And now to some house-keeping chores. Firstly to Pauline R, a former DON of Treestumps with a penchant for creative writing, and who supposedly commented on my first memorable post, I would like to sincerely congratulate you on gaining Dodgy Brothers maximum allowable annual performance salary bonus. You are a worthy example of what Lifestyle and Care Managers may achieve by lying to, and shafting their staff in the back. I wish you all the best in the OzCare Witness Protection Program.

To my latest fan Ivan, the ‘hands-off’ physio-terrorist - a profound thank you! May your prolonged meditations and prayers to Mecca be never interupted by meddlesome residents. Dodgy Brothers needs more drones like you – selfless therapists who understand that for the empire that is Dodgy Brothers Aged Care, its rapid expansion is dependant on their tireless fictional documentation. Ivan you are truly worthy of your salaried position at Dodgy Brothers. I foresee it will not be long before you are invited to join the Corporate Service elite who toil in conditions unimaginably decadent and opulant, to the average frail and elderly resident, at the Taj Mahal, located next door to Brisbane’s best ALV dealership.

Ivan, I see that you are already awear of Dodgy Brothers latest recruitment slogan to bring the greedy and greedier to Corporate Services “We put the Car back into Care”.

For a brief glimpse into the future of Aged Care, I suggest you refer to “2006: an Aged Care odyssey”

Dave Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I don't know what you're talking about, IBM?
HAL: I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman: Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.